The Different Shades of Love

The most unfortunate thing about love, perhaps its greatest tragedy, is that people only look at it through a unilateral gaze. If it isn’t romantic, then it isn’t love. This is perhaps why Valentine’s Day is depressing for those who don’t have a significant other to celebrate it with. Because pop culture makes you believe that there must be something unlovable about you if you are single! What I hate about the day is the narrow lens with which we look at the emotion that is otherwise all-encompassing and ubiquitous. 

We spend our entire lives in pursuit of love. And no, it’s not just romantic love that I’m talking about. It could also be the love we feel for ourselves, work, friends, parents, kids, siblings, life, dreams, pets, or any blessed thing or soul we cross paths with in this lifetime or hold closely with meaning. Love is the language that binds us and is the most crucial reason why we exist. It can be platonic, familial, nurturing, unconditional, nostalgic, self-giving, obsessive, kind, cosy, enduring, quiet, reassuring, relaxing, unconditional, harmonious, pedantic, safe, light-hearted, and playful. Then why fixate on just one aspect of it?

The other day, I came across a beautiful excerpt from one of my favourite books, ‘Aristotle and Dante Dive into the Waters of the World,’ by Benjamin Alire Saenz, which further drove home the point I am trying to make— that love is universal and so much more than just romantic. 

The excerpt goes as this, “ Everywhere I turned, Everywhere I went, everybody had something to say about Love. Mothers, fathers, teachers, singers, musicians, poets, writers, friends. It was like the air. It was like the ocean. It was like the sun. It was like the leaves on a tree in summer. It was like the rain that broke the drought. It was the soft sound of the water flowing through a stream. And it was the sound of the crashing waves against the shore in a storm. Love was why we fought all our battles. Love was what we lived and died for. Love was what we dreamed of when we slept. Love was the air we wanted to breathe in when we woke to greet the day. Love was a torch you carried to lead you out of the darkness. Love took you out of exile and carried you to a country called belonging.”

 It is true– love is everywhere. It permeates through every facet of our lives. From the moment we open our eyes and look at the world as a baby, its graciousness touches us, and we are forever changed. It lives in our parents’ caress and warmth; it lives in the wisdom of the advice they give us as we grow up; it lives in our friends’ jokes, our grandparents’ unwavering support, and in the transfer of family values and traditions that instill in us a strong sense of identity throughout our lives. 

Love lives in the books we read, the clothes we wear, and the art we create. It lives in the music we listen to and the food we make. It is omnipresent, nurturing, and sustaining, much like the air we breathe to thrive. It is a guiding light during tough times and a beacon of hope when things are confusing.

It shows up in the form of gentle whispers and loud declarations. It is so intrinsic to human experiences that it manifests in the form of other emotions–hatred (we cannot hate someone we don’t love), grief (we cannot feel the loss of something or someone if we haven’t loved it or the person enough), courage (the two emotions are deeply intertwined as without love we will never be able to fight battles, take a leap of faith towards uncertainty, be vulnerable, forge connections, etc.) and so on. So, if emotions were one big family, Love would be the matriarch governing all the other emotions. Love is the feeling of coming home, for where there is love, there is belonging, and where there’s belonging, there’s true and pure happiness.

As a deeply curious and sensitive person, I have always had an eye for magical things around me that have sparked joy, acted as a hug on a gloomy day, inspired art, given goosebumps, ignited hope, or driven home the point that the world has access to an abundance of love—all versions of it, in fact. Only most of us lack the eye and the heart to see and recognise it for what it is!

Here is a list of things I have witnessed or observed over the years that have made it crystal clear that love exists in various forms. I hope they make you smile the way I did observing them. 

• The kids in my society worked for days on end to make a small, cosy dwelling for stray cats and took turns filling water in their bowls to ensure they were well hydrated. One even bought chapatis in the hope they would eat. The cats reciprocated the gesture by allowing the kids to touch them. They even licked the kids occasionally, which any cat lover would vouch for as a sign of deep acceptance and gratitude in the feline world.
• After noticing an aged lady waiting in line for a seat in a restaurant, the guard on duty got her a chair and beverage to make it worth her wait. Grateful by the gesture, the lady tried to pay him 100 bucks. The man politely refused it and told her she reminded him of his mother. She gave him her heartfelt blessings instead.
• Two friends sat at the bus stop, visibly miffed with one another. After ten minutes, one went to a tea stall nearby, bought two cups of steaming hot chai, and gave the beverage to his friend in an attempt to break the ice. The friend took it with a smile and said something that made them both laugh. Within seconds, things became normal. Who would have guessed they were bent out of shape with one another a while back?
• After years of fertility treatments, when a woman shared the news of her pregnancy with her work friends, they cried and cheered her on as if the victory was theirs and not hers alone. This one, particularly, gave me goosebumps :’)
• A couple on a bike stopped by the side of the road to help an old man cross. It was adorable as they held his hands on either side and helped him navigate the busy street. The old man’s smile at the end of it all was priceless.
  
• A couple taking selfies at a park was interrupted by a middle-aged lady sitting at the bench knitting. To their pleasant surprise, she offered to take their portraits. They happily posed as she took their snaps. They took a selfie with her at the end of the photography session. Their instant and sudden camaraderie melted my heart
• After a long shift, a tired nurse stood clutching a pole on a packed train. Seeing her exhaustion, a teenage boy sitting beside her got up to offer her his seat. She smiled with appreciation and gave him chocolate from her purse, saying- “A small thank you for being such a kind young man.
• Before he could take a bite of his cone, a small boy at an ice cream parlour accidentally stumbled and dropped it. He was on the verge of tears when a couple standing nearby saw him and bought him another one immediately. Embarrassed and grateful at the same time, the mother thanked the couple while the little boy waved vociferously with a smile and blew flying kisses at them.
• A daughter who misses her late father often finds peace in revisiting their old conversations, especially on difficult days. On one such day, as she scrolled through their messages, she stumbled upon a memory that left her teary-eyed.

  Her father and she had a tradition—sharing their favorite book quotes. She had once sent him a message that read: “Sometimes I think my papa is an accordion. When he looks at me and smiles and breathes, I hear the notes.” — Markus Zusak, The Book Thief. His response had been as playful as it was heartfelt: “Why only an accordion? I am all the musical instruments combined—whichever you need me to be from time to time. I can become anyone for you, my love; you just have to say the word.” 

  As she read his words, a sad smile spread across her face. That day, she needed him to be a violin—soft, calming, and filled with quiet longing. She closed her eyes, played a gentle violin melody in his memory, and let nostalgia wrap its arms around her in a tight hug.

• Three friends who have been in each other’s lives for over two decades acknowledge that everything has changed—the regularity with which they interacted or even the closeness of their friendship. They now live in different cities, are married, have kids, and juggle hectic lives. But without fail, they grab a cup of chai or coffee once a week and meet on a virtual call to catch up, even if only for a few minutes. It’s become their little ritual, their anchor. They claim this keeps them going until their much-awaited yearly reunion with the entire family in tow. 

There are countless such examples around us, which we can witness if only we develop the eye to recognize the constant love that manifests in its varied forms around us. Human beings are wired for connection. Whether it is the unfaltering support of friends, the selfless kindness of strangers, or the quiet and consistent rituals to sustain lifelong bonds–love manifests in varied ways, always waiting around the corner to be acknowledged and appreciated. 

I hope we always have the tenacity in our hearts to shift our gaze and look at love as not something we lack but one that exists in abundance in all its shades. I hope, going forward, we always stay attentive to the little acts of love, kindness, and compassion that surround us and make us believe that the force of our humanity isn’t catapulting into chaos but freewheeling into unhurried but tender advancement.