Beginnings, Endings, and the In-Betweens

Yet another year comes to an end. Just like that- in the blink of an eye. 

We all (and by that, I mean human beings) saddle beginnings and endings with so much meaning and importance, don’t we? As I take stock of my own life and that of others, I realise we are all so big on celebrating occasions. Birthdays have always been brought in with a lot of vehemency and aplomb; weddings, whether that of oneself or loved ones, have been memorialized with love, laughter, promises, and gratitude; New Year parties have called in for celebrations as if to honour the end of one year and beginning of another. We have sent out graduation and retirement invites to loved ones, requesting their presence as if the joy of making it to the end is incomplete without their company. 

Each occasion marks the beginning and end of something important and calls for a celebration. Heck, we also have our morning and night routines in place a day before ( like meditation, workout, skincare rituals, and what have you), and god forbid we miss out on them; we feel an essential part of ourselves missing. The point I am making, such as that of New York Times Best Selling author Marie Andrew in her collection of essays, My Inner Sky, is that we are so good at beginning things and finishing them. But what about the in-betweens? 

In the introduction itself, Andrew highlights the discomfort that human beings feel during transition periods. 

We seldom talk about or are afraid to acknowledge the journey, the struggle, and the waiting period to get to the place we want. I mean, what about the pensive sadness around waiting to meet the “one”? What about the struggle to conceive with no promise of it happening? What about waiting to hear from a potential recruiter after several rounds of grueling tests and interviews? What about waiting for months together to see the outcome of a brutal and lengthy battle with cancer? What about waiting for creativity to strike to create something one feels somewhat proud of? 

We are so bad with the in-between that we don’t know what to do with ourselves. In today’s day and age of mindless social media scrolling, easy purchases, hustle culture, effortless fixes, filters, and several distractions, the idea of sitting still through discomfort is getting perhaps more challenging than ever. We just don’t know how to cut out the noise, look within, and focus on ourselves and our own growth. We can’t stop comparing our lives to what we see on Instagram and gauge our worth through superficial lenses, making ourselves feel smaller and our achievements insignificant somehow. In our tryst to stay connected, relevant, and happier, we are probably lonelier, wracked with self-doubt, and depressed more than ever. We are completely disconnected from our own humanness and don’t know how to live through anything else that doesn’t shout “Positivity” or “Happiness.” We expect to operate and view the world in binaries that anything in between feels scary or not good enough. 

The most tremendous loss we face today is the inability to allow ourselves the freedom to just be and grow at our own pace. This essential need to constantly prove our worth to others leads us to an endless cycle of self-betrayal and an infinite black hole of unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It’s truly a huge loss when we can’t focus and acknowledge our own growth because we are busy looking at someone else’s.

In short, we don’t allow ourselves to lay low, undergo and accept our own individual “molting” the way other creatures like birds, reptiles, crustaceans, arachnids, insects, and Cnidarians, among other creatures, must do in order to survive. 

For those of you who don’t remember or know what molting is, it is a natural process of animals shedding parts of their bodies in order to make room for something new. It is biologically essential for creatures to undergo molting as without that one could even cease to exist. If you read up on it, you’ll know it is seldom linear for a few creatures.

Let’s take crustaceans like crabs, for instance. They need to shed their exoskeleton, their hard outer shell, and it could take weeks or even months for the new one to grow. If these crabs could talk, I am sure they would tell us that it is one painful process they must undergo to survive. When a crab molts, it sheds its legs, eyestalks, antennae, mouthparts, and gills. It leaves behind the old shell, the esophagus, the entire stomach lining, and even the final half-inch of its intestine. After molting, the new shell is quite flimsy to begin with, leaving the crab exposed to predators. The shell hardens eventually but takes quite a few days and even close to a month to become rigid and strong enough to thrive and be a newer and stronger version of itself. 

Molting not only allows the crab to grow but also helps remove parasites, barnacles, and other critters that have grown on the shell. It also aids in getting rid of shells affected by bacteria–in short, all the things that no longer serve it and its more significant purpose in life. This process sounds incredibly excruciating and harrowing to any layman, but the crab does it with patience and radical acceptance. After all, molting is pivotal for its survival. You won’t find crabs complaining or looking at birds wondering if they have it way easier because it’s effortless to shed feathers than hard exteriors. Ask birds, and they will have their own saga of struggles to narrate.

The crux of this is that everyone has their own struggles, and no one is destined to have it easy. The least we could do to ourselves is meet our growing pains with love, patience, and acceptance and be proud of it. It will never be linear and similar to someone else’s because guess what? It was never meant to be. We were all built to be unique and follow our own unique paths in the world. Anything that tells us otherwise equals the bacteria and critters the crabs shed when they grow their newer shells. We must unlearn some of these self-restricting theories and beliefs along our journeys to be better versions of ourselves. We must also meet ourselves with radical love and acceptance and be patient with our own growth stories. 

Growth is painful. It is meant to be that way, and maybe the whole meaning of beginnings and endings is what lies in between. Maybe, New Year, birthdays, retirements, graduations, and the like are our versions of celebrating and acknowledging our victories over the mini battles we fight to make it to the end. 

This year, my in-betweens have taught me to meet myself with love and acceptance for walking the path I have, which may not have been ideal but was mine and mine alone. It has taught me to be resilient and patient, meet myself with love and acceptance, and show me that life is ever-changing and evolving. It has also taught me that while growth and transitions are painful, if we sit with the discomfort, they may help us unleash our hidden potential and strength, one we never thought we had. The next journey may be scarier than the one I just had. Still, if I meet myself with love and acceptance and stop gauging my growth from someone else’s perspective, I’ll be fine. 

As I begin a new chapter of my life, I hope to look past the fear of change and trust that every beginning and ending will eventually lead me to the path of who I am becoming. I just hope I remember to be as calm, patient, and accepting as the crab does during its own growth journey.

Love and peace always, and here’s wishing you all a Very Happy 2025!!